Tales of Tikitaki
by Pokegirl
Summary: A story of someones very strange trip to their new life!LOL all around!Rated for Nook's pole dancing(mostly if you have a strange mind)Read and Review please!!!!^_^
1. Welcome to Tikitaki Maybe

Tales of Tikitaki  
  
Hello it is I the great Pokegirl.Most of you folks in the AC fic section don't know me but I'm a crazy freak that likes to laugh.I'm mostly known for my Zelda stories but only few know how I'm OBESSED with AC!!!!So here is my first AC fic!!!Please review and enjoy!!!WAHA HA HA HA HA(cough) ha.....  
  
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(Melissa was ready to start a new adventure into the world of wonder..okay she was just irritated by her dads smelly socks but anyways....here is her adventure to the town of TIKITAKI!!!)  
  
(It's 10:00AM and Melissa sits on a train anticipating what is ahead.)  
  
Melissa:YO!!!MONKEY ON CRACK!!!!IS THIS TRAIN GOING TO GET GOING NOW OR WHAT!!!!!  
  
Porter:Please don't beat me....  
  
Melissa:I WANT TO LEAVE ASAP!!!!  
  
Porter:I'm sorry but we are waiting for someone to finish emptying his coffee thermos outside.He packed 20 gallons....Oh there he is OKAY we can get going.  
  
Melissa:What kind of idiot dumps 20 gallons of coffee on a train track.He could easily emptyed it during Bill Clintons press confrence.  
  
Bill Clinton:(had started to enter the room but turns around and knocks himself out on the door)  
  
Rover:Hey,can I sit here the parametics took my seat.  
  
Melissa:Sure.  
  
Rover:So what's your name?  
  
Melissa:(notices that he has a giant thermos around his neck)HEY!!!YOU'RE THAT COFFEE DUDE!!!!!  
  
Rover:(twinches hyperactively)H-how did you g-guess I was obessed with coffee?  
  
Melissa:(pretends to not have seen what she just saw.)  
  
Rover:So(giggle) where are you going?  
  
Melissa:Tikitaki.  
  
Rover:Really?I LOVE that place!!!  
  
Melissa:I don't care.  
  
Rover:Do you know where you're living?  
  
Melissa:I don't ca- Oh I guess not oh well.....  
  
Rover:I have a friend in Tikitaki that can help!!!I'll go call him!!!  
  
Melissa:Is he obessed with grape juice?  
  
Rover:(has already skipped off)  
  
Melissa:I really did it now.....(put's head into hands)  
  
Bill Clinton:Ow.(walks off holding cloth to head)  
  
Rover:(popped up all of a sudden)OKAY!!!I did here is your stop Tom Nook will find you!No need to thank me?  
  
Melissa:I didn't.  
  
Rover:Ah,shucks.Your welcome.  
  
Melissa:(runs off the train as fast as she can)  
  
_______________________________________________________________________ (As she steps off the train Melissa takes a glance at that beautiful town that she will soon call her own-Tikitaki!)  
  
Melissa:(walks off the train)  
  
Porter:Could you help me?My shirt is stuck to the trains door.(train drives off dragging Porter)AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!(shredding sounds)  
  
Melissa:This town is such a dump....  
  
Tom Nook:HELLO!HELLO!I would be TOM NOOK!!!And you must be Melissa!  
  
Melissa:Yes I-  
  
Nook:(drags her to the houses eagerly)COME ON COME ON!!!!!PRECIOUS TIME TO OVER PRICE MY CUSTOMERS IS A WASTING!!!!!  
  
Melissa:What?  
  
Nook:You didn't hear that......  
  
Melissa:Right.....  
  
Nook:Well here we are.Choose your house carefully for it will be your home for a long-GOOD CHOICE(throws her into random house)  
  
Melissa:(comes out of house)Whatever.A house with a tacky radio on a box.More like a closet...  
  
Nook:I know isn't lovely!!!!I just love seeing new home owners marvel at there new houses!!!  
  
Melissa:Whatever....  
  
Nook:That would be 20,000 bells.  
  
Melissa:Here.(hands him a bananna peel)  
  
Nook:I'm sorry but that isn't enough.  
  
Melissa:That was the point I was playing a joke on you because you're so anoing.I can easily pay-  
  
Nook:IT'S ALRIGHT!They call me the most generous guy in Tikitaki!So I'll let you work it off at my shop!!!!  
  
Melissa:But I can pay-  
  
Nook:LET'S GET GOING!!!TO NOOK'S CRANNY AWAY!!!!(drags Melissa off)  
  
_______________________________________________________________________ (As they approach the shop and it comes into view.Melissa can't help but wonder what wonder things are available.)  
  
Melissa:It almost looks crappier than that piece off trash you sold me.  
  
Nook:I know isn't it WONDERFUL!!!It's my pride and joy(tear)One day it will be the biggest shop in the land and I will be famous!!!Customers will run to my feet!!(fireworks)  
  
Melissa:(snore)  
  
(The sign falls off the store)  
  
Nook:Well come on in!!!!  
  
(They go in.)  
  
Nook:First you have to change into these FASIONABLE clothes that will make the most popular person in the whole town....(under breath)more like I enjoy marking my slaves he he....  
  
Melissa:What?  
  
Nook:Oh nothing.........  
  
Melissa:(changes)Hey these clothes look horible.  
  
Nook:What is that you want to buy the matching parasol?OF COURSE!!!(takes 500 bells and hansd over a tacky looking parasol)  
  
Melissa:HEY!!!  
  
Nook:You can show it when you deliver these tacky overpriced items to Liz!!!WOOOOO!!!Lucky you!!!Now go do it!!!Shoo Shoo!!!  
  
Melissa:What the heck....How am I supposed too find some kind of freak in this freaky town oh well.(Walks into random house and is blinded by pink)  
  
Liz:HELLO!!!  
  
Melissa:(shielding eyes)AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!TOO MUCH PINK!!!!!How can you live in this thing.  
  
Liz:Hi!!!!I'm Liz,gooch.  
  
Melissa:(freaked out)I have a delivery from Nook for you.......  
  
Liz:Oh lovely!!!!My new ballet slippers are here,gooch!!!!(puts them on and starts dancing stupidly)JOIN ME,GOOCH!!!  
  
Melissa:(walks out of the house slowly backwards)  
  
(Melissa walks inside the store where she sees Tom Nook humming while pole dancing with some kind of flag.)  
  
Melissa:AH!!!!!!MY EYES!!!I'M BLINDED!!!!!(clutches eyes and falls over screaming)  
  
Nook:Oh hello.  
  
Melissa:(Starts puking into some kind of vase.)  
  
Nook:You puke into it you buy it.(Takes 3,000 bells)  
  
Melissa:HEY!!!  
  
Nook:I still need to put together your next job.  
  
Melissa:(shivers at a bad thought)  
  
Nook:So GO AND MEET EVERYONE!!!!WAHA HA HA HA HA!!!!!  
  
Melissa:(runs out)  
  
Nook:(humming sounds)  
  
Melissa:(runs away faster)  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Melissa:Great now I have to meet the freaks.  
  
A voice behind her:HELLO!!!  
  
Melissa:(jumps up)  
  
Voice:I'm Kody!!!And I'm really stupid and gay,funky!!!TRALA LA LA LA,funky!!!  
  
Melissa:(fake smile)  
  
Kody:You must be Melissa,Nook's new slave.(points to name tag that says the same thing)  
  
Melissa:(remembers something)I would prefer employee.  
  
Kody:Whatever!!!!!See you later,funky!!!I'm going to eat garbage in the dump,funky!!!!WEEEEEEEE!!!!!(slams into tree and falls backwards)  
  
Melissa:Right.........(walks by random house)  
  
Egbert:HI!!!!I'M EGBERT!!!!!  
  
Melissa:Hi.......................  
  
Egbert:Yep.I enjoy eating and pecking my beak into Liz's house,doodle-duh.  
  
Liz:(Holding up a rolling pin)YOU!!!!(chases after Egbert and they run off into the distance)  
  
Melissa:How could this get worse......  
  
Lulu:HI!!!!!  
  
Melissa:Oh my gosh....What are you?  
  
Lulu:I love my new shirt too,pie!  
  
Melissa:Pie???That's the worst one yet!!!!!!  
  
Lulu:I like to bake pie,pie!!!(Holds up a pie that has some dirty slime coming out of it and a grub crawls out of it.)  
  
Melissa:(runs off screaming)(bumps into the wishing well)Ouch.  
  
Mayor:Hello,sonnie.  
  
Melissa:I'm not a guy.  
  
Mayor:(looking through thick glasses)You're a strapping young lad.  
  
Melissa:That's it!(kicks the mayor into the wishing well)  
  
Mayor:Owies..................................  
  
Wishing Well:Falling into thou is just foolessness.  
  
Melissa(Runs back to Nook's)  
  
Nook:It's ABOUT TIME!!!!  
  
Melissa:Whatever.  
  
Nook:Now I need you to write a letter to Lulu!I'll supply the paper but you'll have to pay for it!!!(takes 500 bells and hands over a crappy piece of paper)  
  
Melissa:Stupid raccoon!!!!(Starts writing)  
  
Dear Lulu,  
  
You are a freak and you and your pies better stay away from me.  
  
from melissa  
  
There!!!!done!!!!!  
  
Nook:Then GO mail it!!!!!NOW!!!!  
  
Melissa:(goes to the post office)  
  
Pelly:HELLO!!!  
  
Melissa:(gives her the letter)  
  
Pelly:THANK YOU!!!(giggle)  
  
Melissa:(runs back to Nook's)  
  
Nook:Good.Now deliver an ax to Lulu!!!!  
  
Melissa:Can't I just buy it instead!!!!!I don't want to see that hippo on crack!!!!  
  
Nook:No but you're buying a shovel!!!!(takes 9,000 bells)  
  
Melissa:HEY!!!  
  
Nook:NOW GO!!!!!!!!  
  
Melissa:Stupid raccoon...............(Looks at map that she unknowingly bought from Nook.)  
  
(Melissa walks to Lulu's house and fearfully walks around the signs with black gyroids on them in her front lawn.)  
  
Lulu:(Runs out of house hyperactively)OHIAMSOGLADYOUBECAUSEISTANDINSIDEMYHOUSEALLDAYWAITINGFORSOMEBO DYTOCOME!!! (Skips up to Melissa)  
  
Melissa:Hi.......I brought that ax you ordered....  
  
Lulu:OH GREEEEAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!(takes it and starts madly chopping the side of her house)  
  
Melissa:(runs away fearfully almost tripping over a sign)  
  
(back at Nooks)  
  
Nook:(on the phone)*Yes darling I'm going to cheat the next customer who walks in here out of 8 thousand bells!!!(blah blah)*  
  
Melissa:(panicking)Meep!!!KODY COME HERE A SECOND!!!!  
  
Kody:Yes!!!!!  
  
Melissa:(locks Kody into the store and waits outside)  
  
Kody:(walks out with a jar grining)GUESS WHAT!!!!Nook gave me this magic pickle jar for the bargain price of 8 thousand bells!!!(skips away in joy untill he crashes into a tree smashing the pickle jar.)  
  
Melissa:All righty.........(walks back into the store)  
  
Nook:Oh there you are!!!Now for your FINAL task I want you to post an ad for my store on the message board.  
  
Melissa:(okay,writes mysterous message and then walks back)  
  
Nook:HEY!!!Why are you walking so mysterously!!!!  
  
Melissa:(grin)  
  
Nook:Whatever........Well that was your final task!!!Now you have to pay off the rest of you house debt so I can make it bigger and charge you MORE!!!!!So-(Melissa has already ran and left behind her uniform-wearing her old clothes you pervs!!!-)  
  
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(Free of her tasks Melissa calmly walks out of the store and finds a new best friend for life.)  
  
Melissa:I'M FREE!!!!!!!A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!  
  
Egbert:Hi,doodle-duh!!!  
  
Melissa:Hi.  
  
Egbert:Can I follow you around like we're best friends?  
  
Melissa:Whatever.  
  
Egbert:Cool,doodle-duh!!!  
  
(They walk to the post office where Melissa pays off her first debt and then they walk to the dump.)  
  
Egbert:In Tikitaki the dump is like a gold mine.I don't care about it as long as I have food,doodle-duh.For newcomers it can be your best resource,doodle-duh.  
  
Melissa:Whatever.It just looks like crap....  
  
Kody:(gnawing a chairleg in the dump's corner)Funky(chomp)Funky(chomp)-  
  
Melissa:(takes a step back)  
  
Egbert:That's how he grieves over lifes little faults,doodle-duh.  
  
Melissa:Let's raid this place and leave.  
  
Egbert:Look a regal bed!!!But Kody seems to have gnawed on it's right leg,doodle-duh.  
  
Melissa:It will have to do.(puts bed into pocket)O.O How did I do that?!?!  
  
Egbert:(shrug)  
  
Melissa:What do you freaks do for fun around here!  
  
Egbert:Well we like to destroy property,doodle-duh!  
  
Melissa:I would of never guessed............  
  
Egbert:(slams his beak into Lulu's house a couple of times)  
  
Melissa:(sweatdrop)  
  
Egbert:(grins as much as you can with a beak)  
  
(Liz's house starts cracking on the side more than it was in the spot that Egbert hit.)  
  
Egbert:By the end of the year it will be demolished doodle-duh.Liz has to have her house rebuilt every year,doodle-duh!  
  
(They walk to the message board for no apparent reason.)  
  
(Liz is reading something on the message board giggling and blushing.)  
  
Egbert:Look,doodle-duh!!!!It's about Nook,doodle-duh!!!  
  
Liz:OUT OF MY WAY,GOOCH!!!MAJOR GOSSIP TO SPREAD!!!(runs off)  
  
Melissa:(laughs evily at her "ad".)  
  
Nook:(comes walking down the road)Hello,Just thought I would go for a stroll!!!What's that you're reading?  
  
Melissa:(drags Egbert into her house and locks the door)  
  
(in the house)  
  
Nook:MELISSA!!!(bangs on her door in rage)  
  
Melissa:We might as well do some interior designing,we'll be here for awhile.  
  
Egbert:Okay,doodle-duh!  
  
Melissa:Let's start I got some cool stuff at the dump to dress this closet up!!!  
  
Egbert:YEAH,DOODLE-DUH!!!  
  
Kody:(knocking at window)Let me in!!!!I need to get rid of my lonely spells!!!  
  
Egbert:What's that,doodle-duh!!!  
  
Melissa:Nothing!!!(turns up K.K. Funk really load)  
  
Nook:(bangs door in the beat of the music)  
  
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That's the end of Chapter one Review please!!!!I'll have the next one up soon!!!!!^_^ 


	2. Egbert everyones favorite interior desig...

Tales of Tikitaki  
  
Welcome back!!!!^_^Please Review and invite your friends!!!!  
  
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(Egbert and Melissa stayed up late into the night until the room looked great,unfortanatly they were trapped under the bed all night because the house is so small.)  
  
(10:00)  
  
(They wake up and realize that Nook has expanded the house)  
  
Egbert:YEAH,DOODLE-DUH!!!!WE CAN ACTUALLY MOVE AROUND IN HERE!!!!YEAH  
  
Melissa:......  
  
Egbert:DOODLE-DUH!!!!  
  
Melissa:AND THE HOUSE LOOKS GREAT!!!!  
  
Egbert:My stupidty is good for something!!!(tear)I have found my new passion for life,doodle-duh!!!From this day forward I am a interior designer,doodle-duh!!!!!  
  
Melissa:Then stop pecking my walls....  
  
Egbert:Oh yeah I only wreck the outside of peoples houses and I beautify the inside of them,doodle-duh!!!  
  
Melissa:Whatever.......I guess Nook got over what I did to him.(They walk out)  
  
Egbert:I wouldn't be so sure,doodle-duh.  
  
Melissa:........(looks at house that has been painted pink with green stripes and a yellow roof with red polka-dots) (screams)  
  
Egbert:(starts pecking on one of the neighboring houses)  
  
Melissa:That does it!!!!!It's time for PAYBACK!!!!  
  
Egbert:YEAH,DOODLE-DUH!!!!!!!!!(starts humming the James Bond theme)  
  
Melissa:(gets out map)Alright this is the plan,We wait until Midnight and then(whispers mysterious plan in mysterious fashion)You get the supplies and meet me here at 11:50PM SHARP!!!  
  
Egbert:LIKE MY BEAK!!!!(eats a chunk of the road pavement and runs off still humming the James Bond theme)  
  
Melissa:Right.........Well I guess I better do my part of the plan.(sits down in lawn chair.)  
  
Kody:(stuck in chimney)HELP!!!!!!  
  
Melissa:(decides to go for a walk instead)  
  
Liz:(randomly pops up all of a sudden)OMG!!!!!MELISSA!!!Somebody new moved in town!!!!HE IS SOOOOOOOO HOT!!!!!!  
  
Melissa:.......  
  
Liz:LET'S GO SAY HI!!!!!!!!(drags Melissa to the newcomers house)  
  
(It turns out the new comer is Rocco the rhino)  
  
Melissa:(disgusted)He's supposed to be good looking???Even Kody is more attractive than that thing!!!  
  
Liz:(hasn't heard anything Melissa has said she just stands there with little stars in her eyes)  
  
(Lulu has followed him out of his house and has the same look on her face as Liz.)  
  
Liz:(glares jealously and approaches them)  
  
Rocco:Get off of my lawn you ugly piece of trailorpark trash!!!!  
  
Lulu:I like your eyes too!!!!(batts her eyelashes)  
  
Liz:Well hello!!I would be Liz!!!!  
  
Lulu:(shoves herself infront of Lulu)Rocco let's do lunch!!!  
  
Liz:Oh no!!!!Rocco dear!!!You won't want to hurt herself with someone like HER(glares at Lulu)  
  
(Liz and Lulu both grab one of his arms and get into a tug of war)  
  
Melissa:(sweatdrop)  
  
Rocco:(to Melissa)There aren't very many eligbile bachlors here,huh?  
  
Melissa:(shakes head still disgusted at the sight)  
  
Rocco:Hey why don't you-  
  
Melissa:(runs away in fear in panic)  
  
(Melissa runs to the police station)  
  
Melissa:Hi!!!!  
  
Officer Copper:(was sleeping and wakes with a jump)PUT YOUR HANDS UP!!!!HA I GOT YOU!!!YOU STOLE MY FATHERS JAM JAR-oh............hi.  
  
Melissa:Yeah..............I would like to report an evil cabbage man the lose.(holding back laughter)  
  
Officer Copper:AHH!!!!!!!!!!!BOOKER GET OUT HERE!!!WE'RE ON TO THE EVIL CABBAGE MAN!!!!LET'S GO!!!!!  
  
(Officer Copper runs off in slow motion while Officer Booker trips over stuff in the background.)  
  
(They run into the distance)  
  
Melissa:Okay......That was alittle too easy....I didn't even have to make that fake picture.Oh well.(walks in and puts the donut stock into a bag and hides in a random bush that wasn't there before.)  
  
(Copper and Booker come back)  
  
Copper:I can't believe we forgot our clubs!!!!  
  
Booker:One more smash and we get 5 free sets of handcuffs!  
  
Copper and Booker:DUDE!!!!!(They do a chestslam and Booker falls backwards into a random pond coughing)  
  
Copper:(walks inside Police Station and screams a girly scream)THE EVIL CABBAGE MAN STOLE ARE YEARS DONUT STOCK!!!!  
  
Booker:(girly scream)(faints)  
  
Melissa:(runs away laughing evily)  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
(That night at 11:50 SHARP(as Egberts beak full of pavement)Egbert and Melissa meet)  
  
(They are dressed in black clothes and have matching black bags full of STUFF *DUM DUM DUM*)  
  
Melissa:Do you have everything?  
  
Egbert:Yep,doodle-duh.  
  
Melissa:Good!!!Then to NOOK'S HOUSE!!!!  
  
(They go to his house which is on the edge of town where no body goes because it is said to be cursed by the EVIL FRENCH PASTRY LADY*scream*)  
  
(It's right next to Officer Copper's house-You know that because you hear him screaming"NOOOOO EVIL CABBAGE MAN" in his nightmares-)  
  
Melissa and Egbert:(They nod at each other and Egbert uses his beak to cut open a hole in the window.)  
  
(Melissa climbs through it but Egbert get's stuck and Melissa yanks Egbert out)  
  
Egbert:(chewing on glass)Doodle-Duh.  
  
Melissa:What won't you eat?  
  
Egbert:Betty Crocker food.  
  
Melissa and Egbert:(shudder)  
  
(They continue on and make there way to the kitchen where they smell French Pastries*DUM DUM DUM*)  
  
Egbert:They really should move that table to the right corner it would accent the linen tablecloth and-  
  
Melissa:Shh!!!  
  
(They make there way into the kitchen and see a shadow of a woman and she's baking pastrys!)  
  
Egbert:The ghost,doodle-duh!!!!  
  
Melissa:It's not!!!  
  
Shadow:Is someone there!!!  
  
Egbert:Yup,I'm Eg-  
  
Melissa:Shutup!  
  
(The Shadow turns on the light and reveals herself as some racoon lady!!!!)  
  
Egbert:(screams)  
  
Melissa:Be quiet!!!  
  
Egbert:Who is that?  
  
Melissa:That's Nook's wife!!!I think.......  
  
Egbert:He's married?!?!(Opens mouth but is overcome with confusion and no sound comes out)  
  
Melissa:Let's see.....(throws dirty laundry in the middle of the room)  
  
Mrs.Nook?:(runs to the laundry in panic and put's it in the washing machine)Whew......Nobody trashes my house!!!!I must bake more pastrys!!!!!I need to be ready for the quilting cults meeting!!!  
  
Melissa:AHA!!!!JUST AS I THOUGHT!!!!The tipical wife of a business man(or an attempt of one)A homemaker that's obessed with her house and has no other life!  
  
Egbert:She could get more done if she rearranged her kitchen.....  
  
Mrs.Nook:I beg your pardon but I have the best house in town!!!!I won Homemaker of the year award 10 years in a row!!!!  
  
Egbert:Yeah,but still you have ALOT of room for improvement,doodle-duh!  
  
Mrs.Nook:WHAT ARE YOU SAYING-wait!!!What are you doing here!!!!  
  
Melissa:NET HER!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(They trap her in the net)  
  
Mrs.Nook:NOOOOOOO!!!!TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES BEFORE ENTERING THE HOUSE!!!!  
  
(Egbert locks her in the closet. )  
  
Melissa:Now for Nook himself!!!  
  
Egbert:YEAH,DOODLE-DUH!!!!!WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  
  
Melissa:Shh!!!!!  
  
(Egbert starts slaming his beak into a table)  
  
(They walk up stairs to the bedroom door.)  
  
Egbert:(beak is stuck in a piece of wood)  
  
Melissa:(yanks off the wood)  
  
(They walk into the room where Nook is snoring loudly)  
  
Melissa and Egbert:(grin at each other)  
  
(You can't see what they're doing to Nook but they chuckling evily.)  
  
(Then they drag Nook infront of his store and tie him to the roof by the sign.He is only wearing boxer shorts and Melissa and Egbert finished the job by painting loser on his sign and T-ping the store.)  
  
Melissa:Done.  
  
(The stand grinning at the sight.)  
  
Egbert:Shouldn't we run what if he wakes up,doodle-duh!!!!!!  
  
(They look at each other for a second and they run to there houses in panic.)  
  
(Officer Booker walks by)  
  
Booker:AHHHHHHHHH WORK OF THE EVIL CABBAGE MAN!!!!!!!(faints)  
  
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That's the end of Chapter 2!!!!!I'll get then next one up as soon as I can!!!!Please review!!!!^_^WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!(WATCH OUT FOR THE EVIL CABBAGE MAN!!!!!!! 


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